ARTISTIC DEVELOPMENT
Through an autoethnography, I have discovered the common theme, confrontation, throughout my artwork. An autoethnography is a form of qualitative research where the artist uses self-reflection to explore personal experiences to connect his or her autobiographical story to wider cultural, social meanings. As I have evolved as an artist with the emergence of different mediums, the consistency of this theme has been expressed differently. In this way, confronting personal and social issues has allowed my subconscious aim as an artist to bubble into my conscious being. For a deeper analysis of this topic, I recommend viewing my artist statement where I discuss how my personal development, as it interacts with various contexts, morphs my artistic research, planning, production, and final result. Below is a presentation of my authoethnography for understanding how my artistic development has constituted of the theme confrontation. Each slide is elaborated on as you scroll down the page.
FAMILY
When I was four years old, my parents got divorced. I lived with my mom and visited my dad regularly. My mom would often work long hours to help support my sister and I. I spent a lot of my time with my grandmother where we would do arts and crafts on the days we didn't have school. On my birthday every year, my grandma would take me to a local studio where you could paint bisque fired ceramics called Pots and Paints. My grandmother had also painted ceramics and sold her work at crafts fairs. She was a large influence on my willingness to make art throughout my life, even after she passed away when I was in high school.
MENTAL HEALTH
As I continued to grow, my teachers began to take note of my difficulty with reading and comprehension. The summer going into seventh grade I was tested for dsylexia and was diagnoised with ADHD, anxiety, depression, and OCD; not dsylexia.
I had art class sparingly in elementary school, but my true dedication to art began when I was selected to take "exploring art" in seventh grade. I was one of the thirty students in the whole school who was selected for the class and I was ecstatic. In junior high, I had block scheduling and met with my art class every other day. I was able to be a part of the advanced art class in eighth grade as well. Through being constantly immersed in an artistic environment and constantly coping with my mental health, I discovered the reason for many of my artistic tendencies. All of my work was always very detail oriented and I constantly struggled to complete projects by the deadlines. I also noticed that my work lacked concept, since my junior high art teacher primarily taught about traditional artists and the skills you needed to acquire to be respected in the arts.
JUNIOR HIGH THEMES
Once I moved on to high school at Lincoln Way West, I was exposed to many different types of art making, yet generally stuck to my comfort zone by working with familiar mediums. All of my art classes were electives in high school and I took summer school to free up an elective over the course of the academic year so that I could pursue art. I noticed that my work became more technically advanced and that the focus of my work related to my conflicting areas of interest. I was always interested in science and was taking an AP biology course, astronomy course, and meteorology course to help me decide a possible major when I would attend college in less than a year. Much of my work related to me addressing my conflict with my career choice as well as, unnoticeably as the time, addressing my conflict with existing with nature because of additional undiagnosed mental health problems.
HIGH SCHOOL WORK
Throughout high school, my mental health declined and I often listened to music that allowed me to cope with my feelings of isolation. I made a lot of artwork that valued these artists music by replicating logos of their bands or by simply drawing them as my muse. With that, my artwork generally lacked content, since I was focusing on the lyrical content the musicians sang while I was drawing. Below I have included a video with snip-bits of music from these artists.
MUSIC INFLUENCES
STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES
As I grew artistically, my ability to make artwork constituted of strengths that acted as weaknesses and weaknesses that acted as strengths. I always strive for perfection which is good because I never settle for less than I am capable of, yet it can cause burnout and lots of frustration. Additionally, I always pay attention to details which can be great because it helps me analyze images more clearly, but restricts me from completing projects and I often abandon them. This attention to detail and desire for perfection led to competitions with myself. I would often replicate old drawings with the new skills I acquired to prove to myself that I have grown and am capable of making quality artwork.
MENTAL HEALTH
Once I was in college, I earned a summer job at a special needs school as a paraprofessional, where I learned about various diagnoses to which one stood out to me personally because it sounded like something I had been struggling with my whole life. I did some research on Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and realized I needed to reach out to an occupational therapist. Upon doing so, I was properly diagnosed with Audio Processing Disorder and Tactile Defensiveness/Tactile Hypersensitivity. I have include some videos below which explain these conditions. While attending therapy with my occupational therapist, she discovered that my eye movement was irregular and recommended that I contact a behavioral optometrist. After meeting with a behavioral optometrist, I was notified that I had Convergence Insufficiency and Nystagmus. I have also included videos below explaining this conditions. I had eventually realized that these conditions had played a huge role in my artistic development.
Above: Video on Tactile Hypersensitivity/Tactile Defensiveness.
Above: Video on Audio Processing Disorder.
Above: Video on Convergence Insufficiency.
Above: Video on Nystagmus.
CURRENT WORK
These new diagnoses clearly explained my tendencies during the art making process. I had always enjoyed working detailed because I couldn't clearly see images from far away. The content of my work addressed me confronting bugs which cause me anxiety from their light touch. (See the "Big Idea" tab for more details.)
ART THERAPY
Once I became conscious of the processes needed to aid my anxiety from my sensory processing disorder, I took on a project where I was able to experiment with the benefits of art therapy. (See the "Big Idea" tab for more details.)
In addition to my development as a fine art artist, I have created my own business where I have done face painting for three years as well as commission work which consists of freehand painting wooden signs and original requested fine art. Fortunately, I have been able to participate in various events as an artistic vendor where I sell my original fine art, prints, and wooden signs. If you are interested in viewing this work, I recommend visiting the "Face Painting" and "Shop" tabs.
BUSINESS
AUDIENCE
I desire to share the art making experience with others, regardless of their mental and/or physical confinements. As a teacher, I wish to educate students in the various methods of producing art to appeal to the diverse interests students have. I hope that sharing my mental health story through art can make others more aware of the unique dis/abilities others have in order to make others be more aware of peoples unique differences as a means to promote inclusion. Planting a seed of conversation where it does not already exist is the main goal of my artwork, regardless if the intention is interpreted correctly. Opening up a moment for conversation is the most beneficial thing I could do as an artist in a world that has become more divided than it once was.